The Diagnosis

For four wonderful years as an undergrad at the University of Alabama I was confronted with the realities of mental disorders as I studied psychology and the behavior of my fellow students. From depression and anxiety to my personal favorite, dissociative fugues, I have studied them all. One hot topic of late has been Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. But I feel the media has done the general public a disservice in neglecting to publicize another disorder, one that I have found running rampant throughout the population of twenty-somethings with whom I hold an acquaintance. This newly-discovered illness is Post Athletic Stress Disorder. While it has yet to be accepted into the next edition of the DSM, I have decided to take it upon myself to conduct research to further understand the nature of this tragic disease.

I have conducted extensive research on a random sample of young adults in the Southeast. This completely random sample is made up entirely of my close friends and family members, all of whom I have classified as ex-elite level athletes. Over the course of between eleven and twenty-three months I have applied various research methods, including but not limited to natural observation, stress tests, surveys (given verbally), and counseling sessions (always impromptu and occasionally conducted under the influence of mild depressant substances). This research has led to the compilation of a set of observable symptoms. Any three of the following symptoms exhibited within a two-week period, along with a history of competitiveness and athletic zeal, constitute a preliminary diagnosis of PASD. The symptoms are as follows:

A rise in body fat percentage

Expansion of the middle third of the body

Irritability

Sharp decline in stamina

Muscle deterioration

Windedness resulting in cramping

Restlessness

Lack of motivation

Proposed treatment for this disorder is still under review and will be posted on this blog over the course of the next year. My first venture into the treatment of this disorder has been an interval training program which I began three weeks ago. With the help of a few friends, Ashley and Mary Kate, treatment has been mostly consistent, despite hormonal setbacks this week that could only be solved by a heavy dose of chocolate given intravenously.

So here we go, Mom, your year-long dream for me to start blogging again has come true. I promise my future publications will be less clinical, more joyful (perhaps), and just as sarcastic. And I will conclude with Char Thoughts, random things I’ve thought of throughout the week that I want to express.

- How is Desperate Housewives still on the air? - When you swallow your food but you didn’t chew it enough. Ow. – Grateful for friends who push themselves to be better. – God stopped me to smile today when He gave me a four-leaf clover and the sound of the wind blowing. – I got to teach a kid how to taste honeysuckle yesterday. – Jesus is really good at connecting people. -