My friend Pat sent out an email today with an article about how important your 20s are. I started skimming the article, intrigued by the science behind the points the author made, and soon recognized a steady increase in my heart rate. I felt motivated, discouraged, overwhelmed, encouraged, and determined. I felt my usual rush of emotion followed by Char's voice in my head saying, "Quit being dramatic, Meg." I was quite affected by the article and the importance of how my decisions and actions now shape how I will respond and engage later in life. This is serious business. But I also heard Monica's calm, grounded voice reminding me to never take myself too seriously. Such is the usual back-and-forth in my brain. Welcome to the mind of a girl.
Where, you might ask, did I land after this inner dialogue? Who knows, it's only been twenty minutes. This article spurred some thought about the paths I do and don't want to clear for myself. Certain paths my parents made and solidified in their lives certainly seem worthy of imitation. I can't tell you how many mornings, afternoons, and evenings I spent sitting at the island in Char's kitchen watching and learning as she cooked and taught. I can think of countless golfing trips with Trace during which he patiently, joyfully taught me and spent time laughing at and with me. Neither made a big deal out of these experiences but both must have realized, on some level, how special they were and are. How can I let go of the control I so love and relax enough to teach and learn and just be with people? Ask me again in six years, hopefully I've figured it out by then.
I sat down recently (ten minutes ago) and wrote down the habits and goals I want to have for the rest of my life. I thought about building a business that cares for its clients and employees the way my company does now. I thought about how I've somehow lost sight of the things I used to love about how I treated my friends. When did I stop encouraging people because I was scared they would think I'm silly? Forget that, they can get over it, I'm doing it. I thought about the communities and resources I want to help build in Nepal. I thought about all the things I want to learn to do and all the people I want to get to know. I thought about the letters I want to write and the prayers, the PRAYERS, I want to pray. What is the point if none of this is absolutely drowning in prayer? If it is not intentional, not sought after, not divinely given, it will all have been for nothing. No, I don't think my prayers will determine God's will for what happens. But I know that how I respond to whatever happens in this life with be directly affected by the time I've spent grounding myself in the truth and grace of the gospel.
I want to be someone who prays fiercely, laughs often, and still dances in the rain when I'm old and gray. In fact, I'm not worried about the old and gray part, I'm worried about still dancing in the rain when I'm 26 and the reality of life has left me heavy and consumed by self-preservation. That is the time I need to remember that I love dancing when it's inconvenient and frowned upon. Our time is short, our hearts too heavy, our time so often wasted on things that don't matter when considered through the lens of Love. God created us as masterpieces, his beautiful artwork. Shouldn't we be seeking lives that are diverse, surprising, intentional, fun works of art? Because if you aren't enjoying it, what are you doing? No, I didn't think through this post before I wrote it. Yes, it wanders. Life, my friends.
Char thoughts
- There is a day when you stop trying to keep yourself awake and start trying to find excuses to leave so you can go to bed early. That day was a few months ago - Sometimes I try to do my toothpaste just the the commercials but it never looks as cool - I used my jury summons as ID to buy a bloody mary after church a few weeks ago. It worked - Don't dream the small dreams of other men
