A Little Grace

I listened to a TED talk this week about vulnerability. It kicked my ass. I'll post a link below so anyone who has time can watch it. Brene Brown talked about a lot of different components of vulnerability, but the one that snagged my mind was being kind. I'd like to think I'm usually pretty kind to the people around me, although I know I can be calloused and profoundly, immaturely mean at times. However, I was struck by the idea that I am quite unkind to myself.

Yes, women these days are horribly unkind to themselves, with the pressure to look, act, and feel a certain way, but I never counted myself among them. I was raised by a loving, strong, hard-working mom who didn't accept excuses. Don't misunderstand me, she is without a doubt the most incredible, faithful mother I've ever known or even heard about. However, don't come down her stairs complaining of sore legs, because I hate to be the one who tells you, but "It's good for you." "Quit your whining." "Cut your hair." I was never taught to feel sorry for myself, I was taught to fix the problem. But somewhere between college and now, I started putting myself down to get those same tough, respectful results. Mom taught me to grab life and enjoy it fully, not wallow in things going badly. I, however, and many women like me, decided that this meant letting my inner voice be harsh.

Please hear me when I say that I still have very little tolerance for complaining. It improves nothing. But neither does speaking to yourself in a way that leaves you feeling less than respectable. I am flawed. I can ramble off fifteen things I'm trying to work on at the moment, but that's just the point. We are all still in progress. This is an idea I come back to time and time again. No one wants the finished product. Who wants to be around the girl who has it all figured out? Sorry, not me. I want to be around the girl who loves herself enough to have fifteen things she's working on and still laughs at her mistakes. I want to be around the girl who lifts up the people around her because she has the grace to give herself room to grow. I have been struck by the realiation that I cannot be sweet to people if I am not sweet to myself.

There is a fine line between having grace for oneself and self indulgence. I plan to find that line and live joyfully on the graceful side. There are a lot of points Brene made in her talk that I will work through in the coming months, many things about vulnerability that I am both excited about and intimidated by, but I'm starting with kindness. To myself. And it's going wonderfully this weekend. I've cooked delicious, healthy food. I took myself shopping. I've watched three lovely movies. I haven't worked out since Monday. Dont worry, Meggie dearest, I'll start again tomorrow. But tonight? Tonight I'm enjoying my wine and reading my book.

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html