I have the afternoon off from work today, the first afternoon in ages I've had just by myself at my apartment. All the lights are off but a little lamp and the sun is peeking through the window and the World Cup is playing in the background. I'm not quite sure what's going on in the game but I'm convinced I could listen to British men dribble nonsense while I read a book for the rest of my adult life and be perfectly content. It helps that I am reading Shauna.
Almost a year ago a sweet friend of mine had something horrible and unfair happen in her life and I'm still not sure any of us knew what to do. You aren't supposed to know what to do. So we decided to read a book that meant a lot to her, a book written by Shauna Niequist. It's called Cold Tangerines, it's real good. We started this little year long journey of going through Shauna's books and talking and laughing and just doing life together. Shauna writes in a way that makes you feel like you're most definitely on the crazy bus but all your best friends are there with you. She articulates feelings you've always had but never wanted to identify or, heaven forbid, verbalize because they are terrifying and hilarious and insane.
Shauna has brought me so much freedom in owning the embarassing parts of myself, though they shouldn't be embarassing and are in fact the things I sometimes like best about myself. For instance, I will always be one of the people who wake up thinking about what I'll make for dinner that night. I've become close friends with under-butt and get just the tiniest twitch of glee when I see someone else who knows it well. I could give so many more examples of thoughts she has verbalized for me, but I'll stop now because it's a little bit mortifying and besides the point. Today, for the first time, I read something Shauna had written and was delighted that I shared the same quality, but it wasn't something embarassing or funny. It was something wonderful. She wrote about a friend who jumped right in when things started to get complicated. She was celebrating someone who cared deeply for relationship and I had one of those rare moments in which you are delighted to find you can celebrate yourself.
Now, don't misunderstand me, I'm not suffering from any kind of confidence issues, whether too much or too little. I know where my good qualities come from and I know many of my flaws. I get to celebrate myself because God is good and He made me and we should be celebrated! For His glory and for encouragement and because there is not enough celebration in this world. It's broken and difficult and full of discouragement. Well, enough of that. What a wonderful God who lets us be a little bit of His love to the people around us. I'm so thankful he made me care deeply for the people in my life. I'm thankful I get to encourage people and give smiles that I can see immediately change someone's mood. I'm thankful that even though I have to fight for it every day I get to be a little joy ball. It's the best thing. Have Your glory, Jesus. You're the man.
Ya know, sorta.
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